I was at home. It was a regular day. I was sitting on a sofa—can’t remember if I went home from school or there weren’t any classes that day. I was sitting with my arms hugging my legs, hair undone; trying to ponder what was going on around me. I was confused. I was silent.
I saw them running the stairs, carelessly. Panic. Panicked. “What was happening?” I thought to myself. I don’t understand any single thing. Why are they rushing? What makes them go panic? Why my heart beats irregularly? “She has mental illness. It’s unbelievable!” I’m not quite sure if I heard my mom correctly but the thought was just like that. Oh, it was about me.
Suddenly, my heart beats faster than before, I- I- I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe! I CAN’T BREATHE! Helppppp! It felt like there was something or rather someone covering my mouth and nose. Let me go! I can’t breathe! I was screaming, inside. Inside. Inside, I was shattered. It felt like the world was turning, the colors were changing, the voices were too loud and too fast to understand, everything was too flashy to stare at. It felt like there was a strong thunder that surrounds me. That thunder wanted me. It felt like my soul and my body was parting! Mom, I can’t breathe!
Then, someone went to sat beside me. She turned her head towards me saying “You’re going insane. I haven’t notice it before.”
Mom? Mom, help me. Tears rebelled down before my cheeks. There was too much silence that I can barely hear my pulse. I can hear my soul screaming. Mom. Mom, I’m not insane. Mom, no one understands. Mom, why can’t you?